Angel's Son
by blessedsilence
Summary: Laguna comes to terms with Raine's death by writing a letter to her. Songfic: Angel's Son by Sevendust


**Disclaimer**: Laguna, Raine, and Squall don't belong to me, thank whatever divine power ^^ can you imagine having those guys running around? Doesn't do to think about (shudders) scary.  Oh right, they belong to Squaresoft. But you already knew that didn't you? Because you've read SO MANY of these freaking disclaimers!  I. Hate. Disclaimers.  Oh, right, I forgot.  (Sigh) since this is a songfic I should cover that too.  'Angel's Son' belongs to Sevendust. At least I own the candle (laughs manically)  (stranger walks by, notices me convulsing on the ground. Leans in to his wife)  "I will never understand today's youth, Marge.  Just walk by quickly, and everything will be OK"

Just for the record, and for those of you who aren't familiar with my songfics, I won't use the lyrics exactly as I go along, and they will be incorporated into the writing.  You will see the lyrics because they will be in _italics_ ^^ have fun, and please enjoy.  By the way, this is just a fic I wrote to make up to Laguna for being so mean to him in 'The Prison Song'.

`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`

            Laguna Loire sat at the small table, his head propped up by one hand.  A pencil was held in the other, and he was tapping it rhythmically against the oak boards.  A blank piece of paper lay before him, obviously indicating he was going to write something.  But he was simply staring at he wall straight ahead of him, eyes blank and unfocused, and breath deep and steady.  He seemed not to notice anything, not the howling wind and pounding rain, or the cries of the young baby in the crib next to him.  He was thinking, thinking of everything and nothing at once.  Raine was dead- he knew that for sure. Raine was dead, and there was nothing he could do about it.  Nothing would bring her back, not crying, not anger, nothing.  He didn't think it would hurt this much.  He had loved her, cared for her, and slept with her.  He knew that she loved him as well, but he didn't understand why she didn't send him news of the life within her.  He had to know, had to ask her. He lowered his eyes to the paper and blinked.  The storm outside had knocked out the power, and a solitary candle lit up the whole room.  He set the pencil down and moved the candle almost on top of his paper so he could see and then retrieved the pencil.  Slowly, almost seeming bored with the process, he began to write.

'Dear Raine,

_Life is changing; I can't go on without you.  _When I heard you dies, I thought of killing myself to join you.  But I knew you disapproved of suicide, and I don't want you to be mad at me.  I talked to some of your friends, the said _you were fighting everyday, _and even though you tried, it was _so hard to hide the pain.  _You were always so shy and convinced you were a bother.  Is that why you didn't send for me, tell me about the baby?  Oh Raine, _I knew you never said goodbye, _but _I had so much left to say._'

Laguna stopped writing and reread the short bit already on the paper aloud to the boy child in the crib.  "So," He asked in a listless voice, "how is it so far?"  As if on cue a sharp crack of thunder sounded and the baby screamed in fright.  Laguna winced, and then walked to the crib.  Lazily he tickled the child's stomach.  "You're a little squall in the midst of a squall, aren't you?"  The boy ceased screaming and frowned at intruding hand.  Laguna picked him up and carried him back to the table. Settling him in his lap, Laguna gazed seriously into the boy's eyes, which already were showing flecks of Raine's blue-gray coloring. "Squall," he whispered, "squall, squall, Squall…" The boy tilted his head at his father questioningly.  Laguna transferred Squall to balance against one arm and began rocking him gently.  With a ghost of a smile he picked up the pencil and resumed writing.

'The storm is loud outside; it sings a song of the angels.  I've decided, _one last song, given to an angel's son, as soon as you were gone. _Our son will be called 'Squall' and maybe with luck he will live up to that name.  I wish that you had been here to name him; you were so much more creative than I am.

Raine, I have a problem_, I have a new life now.  _I'm a soldier, but now I am also a journalist in training.  I don't have time to take care of our son.  I love him very much, _he lives through you, what can I do?  _I can't give up my life. If I could, I would, you know that, but so much is at stake.  There is a new orphanage somewhere by Centra.  I've met the owners, Cid and Edea Kramer, and I very much approve of them.  I have to give Squall to them, there is no other option.'

            Laguna looked down at Squall, who was half asleep in his arms.  The bigger man brushed a shock of chocolate hair off of his son's face, hair that looked so much like Raines.  Tears pricked at Laguna's eyes and he whispered, "I'm sorry" to his only son, a son who did not understand the words and would never remember them.

'Raine, I should get some sleep soon.  Just thinking of sending Squall away makes me sick.  _I feel so alone now,_ and_ I pray for you _everyday.  Please watch over Squall, wherever you are.  He and I, _we still love you.  I can't believe you're gone._  

                                    Love forever,

                                    Laguna'

            Laguna stood slowly so as not to wake Squall and then gently lowered him into his crib.  A frown crossed the boys face, but he did not wake.  Laguna gently tucked the baby in, and then slowly and quietly walked back to the table.  He picked up the letter and reread it slowly.  He didn't know if he felt better or not, but at least he had told somebody his feelings.  Feelings that would never be found.  He held a corner of the paper over the candle and watched it catch flame.  His words disappeared slowly, first covered by a spreading black patch of burnt paper, and then dropping to the table as ash.  He help onto the paper until it was all gone, not seeming to mind the burn he received.  He then gathered the ash into a small pile and swept it into the garbage. 

            Laguna knew that life had to go on. In the morning he would contact the orphanage and set up a secure position for Squall.  He would also have Raine's ring customized, and give it to the Kramer's for safe keeping so that his son would have something to remember his parents by.  He looked at the picture of Raine positioned on a wall as he blew out the candle. As darkness settled in around him he sighed.  "I will never believe you're gone."

'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'

**BS**: well, this has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever written. Hopefully Laguna will feel a little bit less angry though ^^


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